Journal
by Racing the Sunrise
Summary: I wrote many different things in here. It surprised me when I found it not too long ago. I just had to read everything I had written.


_I own the poems ………

* * *

___

_The evil affects them the most of all_

_Their reach is far,_

_Their prickled thorns dug deep_

_In the souls of their Followers,_

_Marking them for life._

_Their bittersweet words drip like honey_

_From their serpentine mouths._

_Their harsh idiocy infects all who listen_

_To their forked tongues._

_The coils of their deception tighten with time_

_Till they choke any rebellion out of you._

_They control and command with their hypnotic eyes._

_Stalking their prey with the knowledge of experience_

_Their strike is quick; their bite, deadly_

_With venom that corrupts and kills._

_Doing all of this comes natural _

_And pains them none._

_They teach there hatchlings _

_Their knowledge for the sole purpose_

_Of corrupting another generation._

My friends left me today. Their parents saw us playing and decided that the 'demon boy' would hurt their precious children somehow in a game of hide-and-go-seek. It's so pathetic, it makes me want to vomit. My whole generation hates me, and it's all their parents fault……

--

_They all do it._

_Treat me like the garbage _

_To be thrown onto the compost heap_

_To rot with the rest of the failures._

_To be spread through the flowers_

_To bring life out of flies. _

_Spreading their lies, like a bitter jam on toast,_

_While forcing their acrid falsettos in my song._

_They compare me with others,_

_Even though I have my own wings _

_Tying me to those in my past_

_Choking me with the rope of sin,_

_Without ever seeing the noose closing on their own necks._

_But this is no oblivion, and they are only baby devils,_

_At their worst._

_I'll show them_

_I refuse to stoop to their level_

_Of playing in mud, and slinging stones._

_I am not without sin, so I shall not throw_

_And fall into their trap._

_I shall bloom on my own, with none of the compost_

_They built themselves up on._

I made a promise to myself today. I swore I would not use others for my own goal. I refuse to break other as they have tried to break me. I will become the Hokage, if merely to spite them…

--

_Oh how I envy you._

_With your always smiling face,_

_Hands that have never done any work,_

_But with a mouth that complains constantly._

_Call me jealous, maybe it's true,_

_But at least my calloused hands_

_Can create beautiful things,_

_While your corrupted heart can only kill._

_Oh how I pity you._

_With your one way vision,_

_Having no concept of _

_What direction you are headed in._

_You amaze me,_

_How can you possibly see where to go,_

_With your nose so high in the air?_

_How can you walk and not fall into the traps_

_Set for those who don't know themselves?_

_Oh how I hate you._

_I see now, I have answered_

_My own question._

_You use others._

_When you feel yourself falling,_

_You build yourself a bridge _

_Out of the bodies of the conquered._

_You use others' fears to control your own_

_You have built such a façade, such a mask,_

_That you no longer feel anything._

_But answer me this:_

_What will be left when your mask shatters?_

I was placed on my team today with Sasuke and Sakura. I hate them, Sakura especially. She is so manipulative, and selfish. Her views will one day kill her…

--

_I hate how you treat me._

_They always said_

"_Ask if you need help"_

_So I did_

_I swallowed my pride _

_And asked_

_All you did was ridicule _

_And I broke on the inside._

_I loved you and envied you_

_For your wisdom and knowledge_

_Now I only hate_

_You called me stupid_

_Without ever saying the word_

_You made me feel useless_

_Without ever saying anything_

_To me._

_No, you only ever say those things _

_In front of others._

_But it always gets back_

_I always find out._

_Then, today, you didn't even show _

_That you cared_

_That I could hear you _

_You gave me no room to defend myself _

_You only gave your petty observations._

_And yet, you ask my I hate._

_And I answer,_

_Because of you._

I acted foolish today, and Sasuke saved me. Even though I had been in a fight before, I froze. I don't know why, but as soon as the mist nin came after me, all of the abuse I received when I was younger came back to me. It paralyzed me. I made another promise, I will never back down…

--

_I was asked a simple question ,_

"_Why?"_

_Who knew that such a simple word_

_Would cause such a profound reaction?_

_The slightly older boy turned, grinning slightly,_

_And answered,_

"_Why not?"_

_His answer confused me,_

_For how does one answer _

_That question?_

Sasuke offered to help yesterday. It was odd to say the least, but not unwelcome. He and I trained together for the rest of the day and spent the night outdoors, too tired to even crawl back to Tazuna's house. We both made promises that night. I swore I would help him kill his brother, and in turn, he swore he would help me become Hokage. He even called me brother…

--

_As I lie, staring at the moon,_

_I found it's bright light tranquilize me,_

_Dousing the fires of my rage_

_That had spread through me_

_Like a burning field._

_When the scorching blaze was extinguished, _

_I was left hollow. _

_It was as if everyone had left the world_

_And I was left alone_

_In the vastness of this space._

_Alone…_

_But then the moon reminded me of my anger._

_It shined with the light of its brother sun._

_While the sun's beauty was magnified by its brother moon._

_Should one die, the other will find vengeance,_

_Before falling to the dark with the brother._

_You took my brother from me, I should follow the sun._

_Then the blaze was alight again!_

I thought Sasuke was dead and that I was alone again. I snapped and allowed the Kyuubi to take control. It…I…killed Haku. The mission ended after Kakashi and Zabuza killed Gato. Zabuza died from his wounds soon after though. He followed his sun, Haku, into the darkness of Death…

--

_Someday I will show you._

_Someday I will rise above._

_Someday I will be better, greater._

_Someday I will change the world._

_Someday, not today, you will all understand me._

I don't think I will be writing for awhile, Kakashi has entered us into the chunin exams. I've written more in the past months than I have in years. I don't think I will write in here unless it is something I don't ever want to forget…

--

_The noise,_

_It never stops_

_Their constant chatter_

_Their voices becoming little stabs of pain in my head._

_The whispers_

_That never end _

_Their soft voices_

_That never betray their evil intentions._

_The yells, screams even_

_That go unheard_

_Proof of their hearts' terror_

_At what they cannot control._

_The voices, _

_Collecting in their minds _

_Making them paranoid,_

_Turning them on their friends, no now their enemies._

_The sound,_

_Lord the screeching! _

_Making me angry, making others comfortable._

_The insane sounds, _

_Locked in the mind_

_Making me jealous of the man_

_Who had the courage to end it all, by ending them_

After we were attacked by some snake person in the second portion of the exams, being held in the Forest of Death, we were attacked by a cell of sound genin. They seemed surprised that Sasuke was perfectly fine. They said something about their "master must have failed to mark him" or something like that, before fleeing. All I know is that we were lucky to escape from the man and lucky that they were frightened away. I only hope that our luck will hold out for the next test…

--

_A lone flower stands in the grass_

_Defying the wind._

_It looks fragile, like made of glass._

_Regally it stands, refusing to bend,_

_Like a fish going against its class._

I was stopped a lot during the month break by people. They all told me that I should forfeit the match against Neji. The weird thing was that the villagers really sounded concerned for me. It was a heartwarming, but foolish request. I had already promised that I wouldn't back down. Their words surprised me, but I'll just have to prove to them that I am worth cheering for…

--

_In the corner of the living room was an album of unbearable photos,_

_Full of happy faces and crying eyes._

_They say the eyes are the windows to the soul,_

_But you couldn't see clearly through that tinted glass._

_The tortured souls, afraid of their own shadow,_

_Hide behind a living façade, a warm castle._

_I watched at night, with unfound fear_

_As the souls reached up into the night_

_And broke from those pages._

I am writing while we take a quick break from perusing Gaara. Sasuke, Shikamaru, and I all agreed that a break was necessary to gain some of the energy we expended during our actual matches. I felt my muse leave a verse in my head and just had to write it down. Sand has betrayed us, they were our proclaimed allies, but we didn't see this attack coming. Our forces are fighting, but we were ordered to stop Gaara at all costs. He is a self proclaimed monster, but I hope I will be able to change his view on life. If I can't, then I will terminate the treat to Konoha, my home…

--

_Death has knocked on my door_

_Wanting to spread despair_

_But I won't cry. I won't. I promise._

_What will crying do_

_For the dearly departed?_

_They knew they were loved,_

_They knew they would be missed,_

_But now, they don't care._

_We place flowers, pictures, and figures,_

_On their graves,_

_But they don't care._

_We mark their resting places _

_With tombstones. _

_But those are for the living._

_To remember them. _

_But the dead are dead,_

_And they couldn't care less._

The Hokage is dead. He was killed by Orochimaru during the invasion. I almost broke right when I heard it, almost. I didn't though. I spent the whole day of the funeral with the Konohamaru Corps, making them (and myself) feel better. Today, Pervy-sage asked me to go with him to find the Fifth Hokage; I agreed with him immediately. Before the day got any later though, Sasuke came and talked to me. He and I renewed our promises to each other and made a new one. We swore that we would both become stronger while I was gone. He said "After all, if we brothers are to beat Itachi, we can never stop training." It made me cry, but he didn't make fun of me. I feel so…loved…

--

"Hokage-sama, you are needed in a meet-….Naruto, how long are you going to read that book?" The yellow haired man looked up from the tearstained page he was poured over to meet the eyes of his most trusted advisor.

"I feel like I didn't finish it." The unmasked ANBU just shrugged and moved his hair out of his eyes.

"You wrote it, if it doesn't feel done to you, then just finish it." His voice held a playful tone to it, but he still made it sound like the most obvious thing in the world. Which it was.

"It's not that easy, Sasuke. I don't have any inspiration for another poem, and I started every entry with one."

"I still can't believe you were writing poetry this whole time. You surprised a lot of people when they finally found out." The Uchiha's eyes were filled with mirth while he was think back to when he stole the book and read through it. In his opinion, that was the most eye opening day he had experienced in his entire life. Sasuke's mirth fell on deaf ears though. Naruto had turned back to his journal of ten years ago.

"Shouldn't you be getting back to Tenten? I heard she was wanting you to go to the store and pick her up something." Naruto's offhand comment caused Sasuke to flinch, which Naruto caught in his peripheral vision. "Is the great Uchiha clan head afraid of his pregnant wife?"

"Even after two kids, I'll never get used to her mood swings. Speaking of pregnant wives, shouldn't you be getting to your meeting?" Naruto looked up again, but with confusion on his face this time.

"What does a meeting have to do with a pregnant wife?"

"The meeting is _about _your pregnant wife. Inoichi wants you to convince Ino to stop working in the shop until she has little Ayaka (colorful flower). He says she's starting to knock things off of the shelves." Sasuke, surprisingly, said it all without even smirking.

"Okay, tell him I'll talk to her later tonight. Pass the word that I'll be making dinner, please." Sasuke nodded and walked out without commenting on Naruto making dinner. Ino hit him the last time he talked about Naruto's cooking. Sasuke was in the hospital for two days. Naruto sighed before he went back to his journal. 'It just doesn't feel right to end it like that.' Suddenly, he was hit with insperation, and he quickly grabbed a pen and started to write.

_Life is an amazing thing._

_It cannot be copied or be made in a lab._

_It is a fragile thing though,_

_It can bend and stretch,_

_But careful, because it can also snap._

_It is wonderful to create and care for life._

_To take the time to till the soil,_

_Plant the seeds, watch them sprout,_

_Then grow to full height. _

_A sad thing though,_

_To see them cut down,_

_By the Icy Breath._

_And watch them fall into death's cold embrace._

_But I feel the warmth of the knowledge_

_That they will be back, _

_Next Spring_

After the Hokage's death, Konoha bloomed again, even brighter and more colorful this time. I am the Sixth Hokage now and am married to the beautiful Namikaze Ino, and father to a little boy (soon to be a boy and girl) named Minato. I have found happiness and respect from Konoha. All of my childhood dreams have come true, and I can't be happier.

* * *

AN: I just had to write this. It was bugging me. Please tell me what you think. It's supposed to sound like a bunch of journal entries until right at the end. Maybe later, I'll develop a story based off of it. Or not, I don't know. Again. _**I OWN THE POEMS AND SOME ARE COPYWRITTEN. **_

DD


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